Hello everyone!  Cheeseboy here, from The Blog O' Cheese. VTK has been gracious enough to allow me to guest post while she is busy this weekend with fun things.  I hope I do her proud.

We Elementary teachers are pretty patient people for the most part. We look and play the part of the kindhearted, peacemaking caregiver. Most of us truly are these things with the possible exception of about 5%. However, I can guarantee that just about every teacher cringes in unmistakable torment at the sound of the following decrees. I present to you, in full Cheeseboy regalia, the top 9 announcements teacher hate to hear:

9. "The PTA will be putting on a fund-raising assembly today." This pronouncement means I will be spending an hour sitting on a metal folding chair and listening to obnoxious squealing over cookie dough and prizes that clearly could have come from the Dollar Tree. And that is just the PTA ladies.

8. "Today will be an inside recess day." Inside recess day means three despicable things: Pent up rugrats with energy to spare, pent up ME with energy to spare and a complete mess in my room. Inside recess is a little like putting a group of superheros in a cage, shaking it up a little bit and hoping that they won't use their superpowers to hurt you. Oh yeah... they are going to use their powers and it's NOT going to be pretty.

7. "It's Grandparents Day today!" Yes, it's grandparents day for SOME kids. Congratulations kids, your grandparents are still alive. Now all you kids with dead grandmas or grandpas that just don't care, come line up over here and eat lunch by yourself. Cheeseboy, you are good at consoling upset kids, right?

6. "The 6th (or any other grade) is using the gym today." There will be no PE in the gym. Oh great, that means I've got to take thirty 7-year-old's out into 30 degree temperatures pretend to enjoy a rousing game of freeze tag. Literal freeze tag.

5. "The choices for lunch today are trout treasures or chili." Trying to convince kids that something called a "trout treasure" or "school brewed chili" is delicious is a little like convincing the Amish that they are going to die of global warming.

4. "It won't stop bleeding." Almost always referring to a nose, but not limited to the nasal region. "It won't stop bleeding" actually means, "Better buy more tissue cause this box will soon be a giant red glob in the garbage can."

3. "I kicked my shoe over the fence at recess." I know what you are thinking: Really? How often does that happen? The surprising answer is: 2.7 times per year. 2.7 days of one child in the classroom crying for six hours while wearing a single shoe. A teacher delight.

2. "Tomorrow is crazy hair day." I hate crazy hair day. It's simply an excuse for a child to act as crazy as their hair. Generally, the rule of thumb is: the crazier the hair, the crazier the kid acts. Crazy hair day always coincides with some special week like Red Ribbon Week or Safety Week. I propose we start a week called "Wear normal hair at school and drive your parents bonkers with crazy hair at home week."

1. "I couldn't make it to the bathroom." No matter what the kid is talking about, if they say this phrase it never means something positive has taken place. Ever.

20 comments

  1. Blackberry Cottage // May 22, 2010 at 11:33 AM  

    Too funny when reading about them happening somewhere else - but all of these would probably make me crazy!
    Susan

  2. Tree // May 22, 2010 at 11:33 AM  

    LMAO I'm glad Pam has you guest blogging today....great post! I had to laugh at the Grandparents day....sad but true. LOL And I remember all too well the terrified look on my teachers faces when they called for "inside recess!" tee hee

  3. Ms. Anthropy // May 22, 2010 at 3:21 PM  

    Good job, Cheeseboy!

  4. Robin // May 22, 2010 at 3:29 PM  

    I know that all of those things are awful for you, but they made me laugh. Sorry:-(

  5. Brenda Susan // May 22, 2010 at 5:51 PM  

    Great post! Teachers are most definitely not payed enough!

  6. Debbie(single;complicated) // May 22, 2010 at 7:40 PM  

    I loved this. so funny!!!

  7. Lady Hill // May 22, 2010 at 10:37 PM  

    3. "I kicked my shoe over the fence at recess."

    I have been that kid more than once!


    fromlazytolady.blogspot.com

  8. Mr. Stupid // May 23, 2010 at 10:05 AM  

    These were hilarious, Cheeseboy. Well, I have lost my shoes a couple of times. Yup, over the fence. Though, I never cried. I joined the class with no shoes. I hid one in the park...:)

  9. Nicole // May 23, 2010 at 1:47 PM  

    And number 10. This happened last week. "Mrs./Ms./Mr. ___________, Tommy/Brittany doesn't look like she feels so good."

  10. The Empress // May 23, 2010 at 8:16 PM  

    Love these reasons. You've done VKT proud!!

  11. Shelly Belly's Boutique // May 23, 2010 at 10:23 PM  

    omg @ 7...so true..kids w/grandparents are very lucky ;) great post ;)

  12. Susan Fields // May 23, 2010 at 11:16 PM  

    Hi there - I'm trying to leave a comment on the post above, but the ad is blocking the comments button. Anyway, I love the stories. I'm hungry now, though - I love Sugar Babies!

  13. Marlene // May 24, 2010 at 12:48 AM  

    ROFL!!!! I can so relate to all those statements (just as a not-quite-matured adult who still remembers grade school well!)

    The Grandparents Day comment really got to me, though. :(

  14. VKT // May 24, 2010 at 8:26 PM  

    Dear Cheeseboy,

    You did a great job on your guest post! I give you an A+! Thank you so much!


    You might suggest to your Administration that they change it to Special Friends and Grandparents Day. That way no one gets left out. Just a thought.

  15. Theresa Milstein // May 24, 2010 at 9:18 PM  

    I hate rain days and gym being used for something else day. I've never heard of crazy hair day. For some kids, that's everyday.

  16. VaLon // May 25, 2010 at 12:28 AM  

    Ah, good job this is great! Good thing I followed you over to this blog today...

  17. jayayceeblog // May 26, 2010 at 12:09 AM  

    Perfect guest blog. They're all funny, but I keep thinking about the kid that kicks his shoe over the fence! What a hoot!!!

  18. Crystal // May 26, 2010 at 9:38 AM  

    I cannot get over some of these - I see my kids future here.

  19. Mrs.B // June 1, 2010 at 1:22 PM  

    I can completely relate to #8 - inside recess is the WORST!!!

    I recently heard an interesting twist to #2 - crazy hat and/or crazy sunglass day. Kids can wear one or both but they have to bring in a dollar for each one that they want to wear. Great way to raise some money for the school AND the kids are having fun too!

    Your post was funny and true!

  20. Teachinfourth // June 6, 2010 at 6:00 PM  

    I can't tell you how many of those ring true at my school too. I also enjoy,

    "I was so busy last night that I couldn't get it done."

    Hmmmmm….odd, after all, the assignment was given 5 weeks ago and we used nearly 4 hours of class time to work on it during that time.

    Translation: I didn't do it because it wasn't a priority at the time. I wasted time. Last night I freaked out and realized that I couldn't do it all in one night, started crying, and almost stayed home from school today. My mom made me come anyway and she wants you to deal with it because she is as frustrated as all get-out with me.

    She also wants to know if you adopt.